I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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