I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
