Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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