I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
