just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
