You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
