i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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