If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
