this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
