She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
