U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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