you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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