i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
