you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
