I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
