dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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