I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
