i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Help. Why am I so naked?
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