Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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