My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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