Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
