Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
