Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
