Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
