We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
