All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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