I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
