I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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