I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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