You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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