she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
