kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
