it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
