suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
