The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
