yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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