good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
