So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
