i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
