im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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