maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
