i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
