Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
