its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
