whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
