Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
