I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
