Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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