I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
