Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
