you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
